Forming Attachment in a Society Online

 

One of the most up and coming dating strategies we are seeing as a society is revolving around online dating. Especially during the time of a worldwide pandemic, it can be incredibly difficult to meet new people, specifically someone of romantic interest. I know that for me personally, I found the relationship that I am in currently through a dating app but never expected to meet a partner through it. Why was I on the app then? I used it to cure boredom or to help with validation.

For many individuals in our generation, dating apps are commonly used for casual sex, boredom busters, meeting new people, or for getting validation online. It's easy to swipe through an app looking at the first picture or two of possible candidates and swiping based on their looks or the few words they fit into the text below. But how does this affect how we actually view and think of the person on the other side of the screen? I interviewed a friend, Sara, to get a little more information on what she thought as a user of online dating apps:

"Honestly, I feel like using apps like Tinder and Bumble reduce people down to pictures, similar to the way that social media does. We live such a fast-paced society and I feel like so many of us are so quick to judge others based off meaningless things like how well they take pictures and can put them in a profile. In reality, this says little to nothing about who they actually are."

But how does this affect the way we are able to develop attachment to these individuals who are very real people when we meet them in person? From the conversations and experiences I have had, many of these interactions never take on a "face-to-face" element, and when they do, it's almost as if you are meeting a stranger regardless of how many times you have talked before. For many, it's a way they can hide behind a device and avoid the possibility of rejection or gain validation from the number of matches or messages they get and move on. This is especially relevant for individuals with a more anxious attachment style, as these ideas apply more specifically to them., (Chin, et al., 2019).

"Although there are real relationships and positive outcomes that can come from dating apps, for many people it is just a game. There is a real-life fear of meeting strangers from the internet which can make implementing this seem dangerous. So, for a lot of people, it will never impact their real-world experiences."

 

Although dating apps can be used for positive outcomes, such as the one I have experienced, for many individuals these outcomes are few and far between. Dating apps can be seen as a game and minimize the idea of someone being a real person who is experiencing real life just as intensely as you are.